If only I have tried just a little harder

If I could have shown you what’s in my heart

I’ve hurt you so..I want you to know I’m sorry

If only I have heard what you’ve been tryin’ to tell me

If I could have listened here in my heart

I love you still and I always will….I’m sorry..

I don’t know all the lyrics..BUT if only I could find this song!!!

I wrote this in my gorgeous Levi’s notebook exactly a year ago…

September 29, 2009

I haven’t been feeling well lately. I always feel nauseated that I’d vomit.

Am I guessing it right?…..

Are you inside me, my darling child?

For nine long years I waited and tried to get you into my life…

Are you finally here?

Is this the “perfect timing?”

Did God finally give you to me?

Are you well? Will your fingers and toes be complete?

Will you smile at me when you can finally see my face or hear my voice?

Are you hearing my voice right now as I read aloud what I’m writing?

Will you love music as much as mommy does? Mommy..that would be…ME.

Can you taste the food that I eat?

If you are ever here inside me: I never thought that the man that I’ve known for 22 years will be your Dad..

Should I let him know that I can feel you inside me as early as today?

Is this the right time, oh God?

I need you, God..more than ever…

No words can express how much this means to me…